Wednesday, February 10, 2010

These few days I think back to those days me running around,having fun everyday.
I noticed I wasted 3 years doing nonsense,but made great friends.

Yesterday was really the day that make me regretted my life.
When I was still a toddler,my grandpa would place me on his leg and sway me up and down.
If you were to ask,What is my best childhood memory.
The answer is none other than staying with my grandfather.
He would bring me down to get me some ice cream.
I remember when I was young ,no one had time to takecare of me.
I would be placed at a auntie house for care.
My grandpa the only one who rejected the idea of it.
He say he would take care of me.
So every saturday he would take me back from the babysitter.

He told me things when I grow up that I shouldn't do.
Every new year we would gather and have our dinner.
He would give me a red packet and say.
快高长大，乖一点， 不要学坏.
Grandpa,I'm sorry.
I'm really a bad grandson afterall.
Now I think, I not only wasted 3 years.
I wasted my grandpa's teaching too.

Few weeks back,knowing he was admitted to NUH.
Next day went down to visit him.
I told him,Ahgong,this year reunion dinner,you coming right?
He replied, I don't even know if I can live till then.


His reply made me blank.
I can't believe it.
Comparing him to the past, he slimmed down a lot.
It hurts me to see him like that.
Before I left,I turned around to look at him.
All I can see,he sat up looking at me and wave back to me.

I didn't know,that was the last time I see him.
His image stills portraits in my mind.
At his funeral,I cried at some times.
I was thinking,I use to see him right infront of me sitting beside me talking to me.
Now,I see him lying beside me,in a casket.
No matter how hard we call his name,there was no response.
My heart felt immense pain.
During cremation,I tried very hard to not cry.
But my eyes gave in to my tears upon seeing his casket entering the cremation room.
I turned away,and looked at his photo.
In the photo,his eyes were red .
He was crying.
I really see it.
I really didn't want him to leave.
Posting this post I really makes me emotional.

After cremation,I was still crying.
I cried my way back to chua chu kang.
Thinking that how unfillial I was.
Grandpa,I wonder what you are doing now.
May you watch me from above,guard me,correct my sins.
Rest in peace,grandpa.

wang wen jie blogged at 9:49 PM

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